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Why I Love...
Bonus Stage
Blood Will Tell (PS2)

Blood will indeed tell many things.


Buy the game.
Only if you want to, like.

Mr Amazon, you corporate whore
Take my money
and through my door
Post a copy of this game.
Do so quickly, well before
Your flaky business model
Shuts you down.


Big bad Japanese Boss.
By PaulEMoz

You’ve got to hand it to the Japanese.The western world might well be the best at coming up with gritty crime stories for games, but if you want a twist of fantasy madness, you can’t beat the Land of the Rising Sun. Blood Will Tell has a story so bizarre that you’d be mad not to have a look.

There are many ordinary kids born every day, and a few not so ordinary. Even fewer are promised to demons upon their birth, but surely only one in the history of videogames has been gutted of his limbs and organs by those demons, left to die, saved Jesus-style and put back together by a Gepetto-like mentor.

Of course, once the poor little fucker comes of age, it’s only natural that he’ll want to venture off and reclaim all 48 missing body parts, vanquishing anything vaguely demonic that stands in his way. Just as well his arms and legs have been replaced with fuck-off great swords and cannons, then.

“Can we have your liver, then?”

‘Tis a noble quest to be sure. And it provides plenty of Devil May Cry-style hack-and-slash gameplay, occasionally interspersed with some basic stealth sneakery. Actually, stealth doesn’t really enter into it, but early into the game you pick up a sidekick named Dororo, the self-proclaimed “world famous thief”. Personally, I proclaim Dororo to be the most irritating sidekick in gaming history. Still, it’s good to have some light relief from your own tortured soul once in a while.


Blood Will Tell has plenty of moments that will genuinely make you go, “What the fuck?” Take the bell-ringing troll that you encounter early on. I mean… what the fuck is going on there? (See).

You really have to play it to appreciate the all-out world-class bizarreness of it. It’ll make you gape and laugh out loud simultaneously – particularly when you reclaiming certain body parts. Some of them are brilliantly integrated into the gameplay (it’s all in black and white until you get back your first eye, when the world suddenly blooms into colour. Very nice). But this has to be the only game in existence where you must vanquish a demon in order to win back your oesophagus. Like I said. What. The. FUCK?  

“You want some?” The bell-ringing troll mentioned earlier. Yeah. Exactly. What
the fuck. Again.

Fighting the hordes of ordinary minions between bosses can be a mite tedious, but they look good, and you can often just breeze past them without having to stop for a scrap if you so wish – whichc is a pleasant change for this sort of thing. The combat is a bit imprecise, so it’s useful to practice these on the lesser baddies so you’re well prepared for the epic struggles to come.

Blood Will Tell is basically a huge series of boss battles, with a crazy story to link them all up. But it usually intrigues and rarely strays from being good fun. Nice light relief if you’re still head-exploding and chainsaw-avoiding your way through Resi 4, too.

April 2005


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