On 16th August 2005, US gaming legend Billy Mitchell kindly agreed to spend some time with Way Of The Rodent. For those who don’t know, Billy is widely acknowledged as the world’s greatest arcade gamer, and was awarded “Gamer Of The Century” by the president of Namco after becoming the first person ever to achieve a “perfect” PacMan score. During the day Bill runs a company producing a nationally distributed range of hot sauces, as well as running a successful chain of Restaurants throughout Florida. For well over 15 years Rickey’s World Famous Sauces have become a national institution. (In other words: our Bill is worth a few quid and knows a risotto from a radish).
So what could we talk to Billy about? Top 10 Pac Man tips? The retro arcade gaming scene? His involvement with Twin Galaxies? What’s on his gaming play list right now?…..Don’t be so fucking stupid!
Rickaaaaaaaay!
TT: “So I’m here with world PacMan champion Billy Mitchell! Welcome to the UK Bill, how’s it going, and how’s Babs?”
BM: “What? Who me? Yeah I’m good man, I’m pleased to be here”
TT: “You reckon? Anyway, this is my first interview ever so no quick moves OK?”
BM: “Well, I’m familiar with firsts, I was the first person to get a perfect score on PacMan, and was awar..…”
TT: “Yeah whatever. So Bill, you own and run a company in the US that manufactures and distributes a range of hot sauces, right? Can you give us a quick run down about that?”
BM: “Well, the truth of the matter is we were the first to start serving chicken wings in Florida, and were unhappy with the sauces available to go with them. So we went and developed our own sauce, and in time gained a partner and manufacturing facility. Rickey’s is now distributed in every state of the US and several countries around the world. And I take and I use what we call my ‘real job’, and take it to shows and gaming events and I create and develop limited edition bottles and “Hot Sauce” collectors items. So the two things, PacMan and our Hot Sauces, go hand in hand if you like. It’s a desire and a passion to play perfect videogames and to create the perfect hot sauce”.
P-p-p-p-pick up a Pac Man…..
TT: “Rrrriight….. Well, it just so happens that I have with me 13 different fine sauces Bill, and we want you to play ‘Billy’s Hot Sauce Challenge’, OK?”
BM: “Err….”
TT: “But here’s the twist Bill, you don’t get to see labels or names or nothing prior to tasting. We want your opinions on them, and score on each out of 5 chillies, and give us your overall “Sauce of Champions” at the end. I searched literally 4 foot of shelf space in Tescos, to find some of the finest cuisine ranges available to the Great British public.”
BM: “Well, I don’t know about ‘finest’, I’ll be the judge of that. By the way, is this safe?”
TT: “Of course. We’ve taken sound advice from our resident Food Safety Inspector, Dr Swith, and he says its cool mo-fo. And I found the spoons over there next to the plates. I presume The Holiday Inn washes its crockery well. So long as I keep my lab coat on, we’ll be illin’. Do you want a fag before we start?”
BM: “What?”
Persil: Sauce stains can fuck off out of it…
TT: “Tell us what you’ll be looking for with regards to sauce quality Bill”
BM: “Three things: Heat Level, Viscosity and Acidity. Those will tell me everything I need to know. Hey, what sort of name is ‘Swith’?”.
TT: “Hahah! Ah ha ha a. Ok Bill, here are the sauces, take your time, and give us your comments and overall rating out of five chillies! I’m on hand should you need advice”.
BM: “OK. Bring it on!”
TT’s Phallic Line-up.
Sauce One
Lea & Perrins Worcester Sauce
£1.58
BM: ”Judging by the viscosity, this is definitely not a sauce I’m familiar with. Did you say some of these were “Fine” sauces? This is not a hot sauce”.
TT: “Yeah well blame the Tescos sauce buying department. Some of them are not ‘Hot’ Sauces. They are just sauces. Hey welcome to England my friend”.
BM: “Hmmm… well this would be great on a steak. But its not a hot sauce”.
TT: “Well like I already said, they are not all hot sauces”.
BM: “OK. Tastes like a Worcester sauce to me. I give this 3 chillies.”
Bills Rating: 3 Billie Chillies
“Not bad, but not a hot sauce”
Sauce Two
Rickey’s Hot Sauce
£unknown
BM: “Well, this has a familiar viscosity. This is my sauce right? 5 Chillies!!”
Bills Rating: 5 Billie Chillies
“The mother of hot sauces. It doesn’t get better than this!”
Sauce Three
Encona Hot Pepper Sauce
69p
BM:”OK, that’s an Indian Sauce. Hot peppers, vinegar and some salt. This is one of the first hot sauces to be sold in the UK if my memory serves me correctly. Way back before hot sauces gained popularity. Years ago when I did an analysis of the market, this was one of the only sauces here. Encona Hot Pepper Sauce, right?”
TT: “Impressive! Good skills Billy”.
Bills Rating: 4 Billie Chillies
“An old timer, but still good for the money”.
Sauce.
Sauce Four
HP Brown Sauce
99p
BM: “Hmm…This looks like something for meat” (tastes) “Hmmm….Let’s skip it”
TT: “Judging by the face you’re pulling are we talking arsenic?”
BM: *cough*
TT: “So you wouldn’t put this on your daughter’s fries then?”
BM: *cough* “no” *cough*
TT: “Very interesting Bill. This is probably THE premier sauce brand in the UK”.
BM: “Well, it would be a great steak sauce. But it’s no hot sauce”.
TT: “Bill, like I said, some of them aren’t hot OK?”
BM: “Oh OK. You’re right”
Bills Rating: 2 Billie Chillies!
“You can clean your nickels with this stuff!”
What the hell?
Sauce Five
Tesco Value Tomato Ketchup
Mere coins
BM: “OK, I’m getting a high viscosity….Great on Hot Dogs I would guess”
TT: “Are you getting a feel for the quality of the sauce Bill?”
BM: “As a hot sauce?”
TT: “NO!!!”
BM: “It’s a great ketchup – not bad. Not great. But not bad”
Bills Rating: 3 Billie Chillies!
“Not bad”
Sauce Six
HP Chilli Sauce (New!)
£1.33
BM: “Low viscosity. Doesn’t come from anywhere I’m familiar with. Definitely not native British. Does nothing for me. Interesting that the first ingredient listed is Tomatoes. Should be Chillies”.
Bill’s Rating: 1 Billie Chilli
“HP: Half a Palette”
Sauce Seven
Tesco Value Brown Sauce
22p
TT: “OK, top drawer this Bill. A housewives favourite if you will”
BM: *cough* “I don’t like to speak ill of items. Let’s skip this please”.
TT: “This is the Brown Sauce version of the cheap-ass range”.
BM: “Brown Sauce”? What is “Brown Sauce”?
TT: “Well, think Red sauce, but change the colour”
BM: “Tescos aren’t going to like me”
TT: “Hmmm. You could be right. Next!”
Bill’s Rating: Zero Billie Chillies
“No comment”
Tasty!
Sauce Eight
Encona Thai Sweet Chilli Sauce
69p
BM: “Man, are those chunks peppers? There’s enough in there to light me up!” (tastes) “Mmmm…you’d find this in a Thai restaurant or something? Weaker than previous ones. In the US this would be described as a sweet and sour sauce…. Encona again?”
TT: “On the money Bill!”
Bill’s Rating: Three Chillies!
“One for the milder palette”
Sauce Nine
Staag Vietnamese Hot Chilli Sauce
79p
BM: “Looks like gravy” (tastes) “hmmmm….what was that word you used earlier?”
TT: “Shit?”
BM: “Yeah. Let’s move on. That’s not a sauce. You’ve pulled that out of some toxic waste site. What is that?? Vietnam!!?”
TT: (Tastes) “Well it’s hot…”
BM: “Yeah well we’re not just looking for heat, we’re looking for flavour. I give this no chillies!”
Bill’s Rating: Zero Billie Chillies!
“Damn!”
Sauce Ten
Tabasco Sauce
Dunno. Forgot.
BM: (tastes) “……………!…………….”
TT: (reels back in seat. A bit scared frankly) “Whoa!”
BM: Slugging mineral water. “You did that on purpose. I hope I never see that again”.
TT: “Really? From my understanding, this is THE hot sauce, Tabasco – the number one sauce in the world, right?”
BM: “Yeah maybe. But here, let me show you”
Bill proceeds to pour a little Tabasco and a little Rickey’s on a serviette, and we watch as a damp transparent ring develops around the Tabasco.
BM: “See, that tells me there’s more water and vinegar in that one”.
Bills Rating: 1 Billie Chilli
“Hotter than a snake’s ass in a Wagon rut. Hot, damned hot”
Can I go home now?
Sauce Eleven
Sharwoods Oyster Sauce
£1.73
BM: “Hmmm. No, not for me this one. Not sure what the main ingredient is. Again, this is not a hot sauce.
TT: “Arrgghhh!”
BM: “Oh yeah, you already explained that”.
Bill’s Rating: 1 Billie Chilli
“Fishy, man. Fishy”
Sauce Twelve
Tesco American Style Relish
74p
BM: “OK. Not a hot sauce. Again.”
TT: “Watch it…”
BM: “OK. Mmm…not bad. Barbeque. Something you’d put on a grill I’d say”
TT: “Well Bill its an ‘American Style’ Relish. Apparently. Can you confirm this?”
BM: “Well I gotta tell ya, this is not an American Relish. You might say they are sexing it up a little. Its different, but not authentic American”
TT: “Just as I suspected! Sneaky beggars!”
Bill’s Rating: 2 Billie Chillies
“Sold down the river”
“Christ, I dunno Walt. The guy just won’t leave me alone for Chrissakes….”
Sauce Thirteen
Ainsley’s Hickory Dickory Sauce
£1.73
TT: “Ainsley is England’s Premier celebrity chef, Bill. In case you were wondering”
BM: “Celebrity Chef you say. Mmm. Well he looks English. Yeah, not a bad barbeque sauce. Could do with some heat. But hey, I’m sure you Brits like it. You have a weaker tolerance after all”
Bill’s Rating: 3 Billie Chillies!
“Good at what it does”
TT: “So Bill - like I don’t already know – what’s your overall ‘Sauce of Champions?”
BM: “Well in terms of overall heat, flavour, viscosity and acidity, its got to be Rickey’s hasn’t it?”
Ladies and gentlemen, we give you the sauce of champions...
Rickey’s World Famous Hot Sauce!
You know what, he’s not wrong either, it’s bloody lovely!
Rodent would like to send out massive thanks to Billy Mitchell for agreeing to allow us to send him up and for being an all round top guy.
Want to win a bottle? Read on:
Competition:
You knows it Holmes….
Dude! Want to Win your very own Limited Edition bottle of Rickey’s Hot Sauce? This is one of 50 bottles produced to commemorate the CGEUK Event in Corydon in 2005!! What’s more its signed by the man himself.
Simply answer this piss easy question, set by Bill himself!
Q: Name the only arcade game which doesn’t feature the word PacMan in the title, but where he features in the game.
Clue from TT: Begins with “K”. In MAME.
(Answer is: “Kick” or “KickMan”)
Send you answer and a fiver to iwantbillssauceonmyspuds@hotmail.com
(Real e-mail address - real compo: do enter, Ricky's taste amazing).
