Hello my ducks, I'm Dr Sellout, veteran raconteur and famously good egg, and I'm here to guest edit the essentially defunct Way of the Rodent.

It was as I was sitting on Peter Molyneux's space yacht, good Japanese whisky in hand, watching Aleks Krotowski dance for us that I had a moment of profound grace. In her frightened tears I saw a truth 'Sellout old boy', I said to myself, 'Sellout, games people are the best people there is'. And that's why I agreed to come out of tax-related semi retirement to bring you the original spirit of video gaming. That and the brown envelope of unmarked Portuguese Escudo tucked behind the cistern, fourth trap from the left in the shitters at Watford Gap.

Apparently the magazine has been AWOL for a four-stretch, they've got big plans for it but rather than throw you all in at the deep end instead here's a teaser issue in the old Rodent style. Whatever the chuff that is. Rodent is back, and over the coming months you'll start to see what the jiminy they're on about. They've got top men working on it. Top. Men.

For now though - it's an action-packed and star-studded fest of an issue. All about a new games console thing I understand. To celebrate its launch I sent, it says here, three of my finest Rodents to the midnight release on London's Oxford Street. It is with not little pride that I can tell you their report involves heroic boozing and an ejection from the store on suspicion of theft. The lads write-up of the ragged shards of that debacle can be found in the contents over on the right there. Then we've got exclusive unboxing footage, reviews, and a new young fillie on the block in the shape of Eleanor Cross and her world of fun. Not a flicker when I whispered in her ear that I knew a little Chinese fellow who could rock our worlds together. Seriously, nothing.

So, fill yer boots!

Lots of love, Dr*. Sellout.

*Dr Sellout is not a real medical doctor, any pills, prescriptions or preparations recommended by Dr Sellout should be destroyed without opening. Any body-parts Dr Sellout asks to touch, examine or otherwise physically interfere with may be at risk if you do not keep up repayments to Dr Sellout's licensed bookmaker.