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Step Up
Bioshock has dragged this last gaming month out of the shit-locker, there was balls-all to play and then suddenly we got the most extraordinary thing. I can't remember this level of shared anticipation and then shared enjoyment of a game, well, ever. Of course FEDGE, and a small handful of others, have used the hype as an opportunity to make a po-faced point but to anyone prepared to see with their hearts, instead of their heads, Bioshock is one of the finest videogames of all time.

And having ploughed millions of dollars and hundreds of thousands of man-hours into creating the Bioshock experience another, altogether smaller and more personal videogame vision hit the XBLA stores around the same time as the Big Daddies walked onto store shelves. Space Giraffe represents the return of legendary 8-bit coder Jeff Minter. And it's fucking special. A tiny 400 XBLA points buys you the most challenging arcade shooter since Ikaruga and the most interesting zone experience in years.

Games are ace, they really are.

Richard Koworld, September 2007

RSS Feeds
Useful overview of RSS & Rodent

 
column
Mountains and Videogames
I've come home.
column
A Summer Wasting
Nothing changes.
column
My Buddy Dave
More from the glory days Stateside.
column
Gaming Guilt
It ain't no mo fo.
review
Shrek 3 (360)
You cunts.
review
Bioshock (360)
It's shit. Ha! No it isn't.
review
Overlord (360)
'Shut that door!' yah big evil gaylord.
review
Space Giraffe (360)
Old school - new school: it's all good.
review
Anno 1701 (DS)
Manage a break. Or you will DIE.
review
Etrian Odyssey (DS)
Classic and good.
Wil
Guardian Heroes
Love Saturn.
Wil
Football Games
Clash of the Titans.
bonus
Big Win For Harrison!
Glass Cock.
bonus
Image of the Month
Adult!

Deggy

 

Werewolf2000AD
[On Cooking Mama] "She's got that whole repressed I'm-thirty-seconds-from-lifting-up-my-skirt-hopping-on-the-counter-and-showing-you-another-use-for-this-wooden-spoon thing that Delia Smith used to have going on. Videogames need more MILFs. Fact."

Aureole

 

Maibock
"Today's sports games are much too serious, since they're trying to be more realistic. The 16 bit games were perfect enough to give you all the gameplay you needed, but none of the pretentious "attitudes" that pervades professional sports. The graphics are just the perfect balance, that it shows just enough to let your imagination finish the rest. Funny, I was discussing this very subject with my wife this past weekend while sorting through boxes in the basement. By the time I finished my eloquent speech, I turned around and she was upstairs already... Not sure how long I was alone.."

 

Russ

 

Koworld
"I HATE Messanger on my 360. It's horrible - my telly told Russ I was playing a game instead of working. IM on the 360 is like your Dad being there to be a bit disappointed with you every half hour."

We proudly present Rodent's world famous bid to list the top 5 of everything in the world.

Mad Hippo, Sir Lans, Koworld, FiL, Stu Dogg
Top 5 Game Ways to Ruin an Event.

Birthday party: during the 'Happy Birthday' singing - tell everyone to shut up because you need to talk to your Nintendog


Valentines night: at a romantic meal for two, eat your food while saying ‘wokka...wokka...wokka...’ When she finally mentions it just go ‘what?’


Sunday dinner with all the family: when your missus brings in the lovely roast meat and places it at the centre of the table get up suddenly, hold up your hand to silence the protests of your girlfriend whose mood is shit already because having your brother round and her Dad and his new tart - its all too stressful. Switch on the telly to reveal Bioshock - play until you find one of the dead cats. Then turn the volume all the way up and repeatedly bounce the kitty corpse with a wrench while simultaneously pointing at the roast meat on the table. Hit it, keep hitting and then fuck off to bed muttering 'I regret so much'.


Funeral: search the corpse for ammo, dollars and tasty, tasty, pep-bars.


Wedding: While giving your best man speech tell everyone why you are the best man: 'I like to think I was chosen as the best man because I won the Champions League with Bristol City after only four years of managment.' Turn to the bride and say 'maybe you're marrying the wrong guy.' then thrust your pelvis in her face, scream 'GET IN' and run off chanting 'onne-niil to the cham-pions.' For the rest of the wedding only talk to people as if you are being interviewed on Match of the Day after winning the FA Cup.