I hope you didn’t miss us too much, we’ve been…
Well, we’ve mainly been sleeping to be honest. We needed the rest.
But we’re awake now, ready to usher in a brave new generation which, we are sure, will be the beginning of a new age of enlightenment like in that musical with the naked people. And not just an excuse for the big studios to rush out slightly improved versions of games that we already have. No really, this time it’s going to be different! I can feel it.
Leading the vanguard this month, we have Fuseball reviewing Ridge Racer 6 on the shiny new Xbox 360… Oh. Bollocks. That didn’t take long did it? But wait, don’t hate it just because it’s beautiful, read the review and then make up your mind. Also flying the flag for the Original Sprit this month comes Romanista, as we finally notice that quirky little DS rhythm game that everyone else has been going mad over for the last three months, and the PSP gets something all of its own to play with too.
Truth be told, the idea of a ‘next generation’ has always, and will continue to be, nothing more than an elaborate system of smoke and mirrors. We cling to the idea that there is something magical, something capable of rekindling our love of videogames, just around the corner. We love the 360 as much as the next fanboy, and we’re itching to wrap our hands around the Revolution, but we don’t need to search the elusive next-gen for the Original Spirit – something that Dio, PlayerOne and nitebycandlelite all demonstrate this month.
Oh bugger it, no-one reads this bit anyway. Contents are over there cunningly hidden under the bit that says ‘Contents’ – check out Tony’s Trip Hawkins interview to find out what happens when you bottle up your anger for eight years, and don’t forget to drop in on Reggie and Shigsy’s tea shop, if you dare. We also bring you Way of the Rodent’s exclusive strategy guide to Peter Molyneux, available soon in a handy pocket size version.
Here’s a poem. You might have to verbally squint a bit to make it rhyme. Sorry.
Ode to Turtle Bridge
A bridge made out of turtles?
That cannot be ethically sound,
Or, indeed, structurally viable.
That parcel doesn't look too large,
You could throw it across that river,
Or invest in a handy barge.
Stamp on their heads.
Make them forget the fish!
Forget the fish!
Turtles, little known, are actually delicious
When served as a warming soup or pie
But, while tasty, are morally ambiguous.
So leave the jumping to that fat plumber
Lay down the parcel on the bank
And gorge yourself on boiled chelonia
Editor - February 2006
New ones! Oooh, we're shameless.
Useful overview of RSS & Rodent
Ryu - seminal camp sailor-baiting lead character from gaming opus, Shenmue.
Dutch darts sensation Jelle Klassen.
Ryu: Who're you?
Jelle: My name is Jelle Klassen
Ryu: Klassen? I hear you're a great thrower of darts.
Jelle: Yes. I have thrown darts in many tournaments.
Ryu: How long have you been throwing darts?
Jelle: Twenty years I have thrown darts for my country.
Ryu: Are you from far away?
Jelle: Far away? Yes I am from Denmark.
Ryu: How far away is it?
Jelle: Two mountains.